Merdeka.

It’s fitting, in a sense, that when news of Mr. Lee Kuan Yew’s passing broke I was out to dinner with friends from Singapore. Fitting that I should, in a way, be home. Someone read it out from their phone. Everyone fell silent. I didn’t really know what to think. In the end we talked it off, ate our ice cream, concerned ourselves with other things. It was only back in my room, sitting in front of a computer screen 6000 miles away from home, watching Mr. Lee Hsien Loong address the nation, that I began to cry.

I’ve never met Mr. Lee. I don’t think I’ve ever been remotely close to him – wasn’t alive during his premiership, never saw any of his speeches, haven’t (to my shame) read his books. And yet when as I was watching the broadcast I felt like the Prime Minister wasn’t the only one to have lost a family member. Of course his pain will be more real, more acute, but I’m sure that every Singaporean will have felt a yawning, gaping hole in their beings as well. Because Lee Kuan Yew was Singapore. Whatever you thought about the man or his policies there was no way you could remain unaffected by him. By virtue of your being a Singaporean, regardless of race, language or religion, wherever you are in the world, he is a part of your life. A father to all of us, if you would.

So perhaps it might seem strange that I’m so cut up about a man I’ve never met, and perhaps it will seem especially odd to people unfamiliar with our country. I can’t think of any other nation in the world who’s had someone like Mr. Lee. Yes, other countries have been built from ground up. Singapore isn’t alone in this. But was there ever any country where one man, one man’s vision, one man’s drive created one of the most successful nation-states in the world? Who dominated the political landscape for more than fifty years, who needs no statue or memorial because the country is his? I don’t think so. The closest parallel I can imagine is Winston Churchill, and even then that’s a poor man’s comparison.

I know we’re fed what is essentially propaganda in school and social studies, but there is truth in all of these things still. Look past the perception of ‘overexaggeration’ and ‘routine’ and really think about it. Think about being forcibly removed from a country in a manner most unexpected, being forced to fend for yourself immediately (this is a country we’re talking about; there’s no self-pity and scurrying under blankets for a few days), having to build something with no resources, with little infrastructure, what is essentially nothing at all. Think about industry, public housing, transport systems, trade, international standing, and so much more, all of which we have managed to achieve to the highest levels, surpassing many more established countries, within fifty years. Think about the fact that you don’t even have to think about the police force, because you know that they can always be counted on. Think of how comfortable and safe and secure and well provided-for we all are. It feels so strange not to be in Singapore when this happened, but even the fact that I am writing this while pursuing university in London on a scholarship would not be possible without him. Never has the term ‘founding father’ been more apt.

When people say that there will never be anyone like him again I don’t find them exaggerating. There’s not going to be anyone with that vision, leadership, tenacity, charisma – a curious mix of wonderfully good speaking and characteristic bluntness that was strangely endearing – ever again. He had a personality which was more like a force of nature, sweeping up everyone alongside him as he shouted again and again Merdeka! And even if there was someone like him, they wouldn’t be able to do what Lee Kuan Yew did. The means by which he pursued success would more than likely not be condoned today, and even in the later years of growing criticism, his reputation and legacy was that which carried him through.

And now we come to the most contentious part. His policies. I’m not going to lie, I’m a supporter of the PAP; I admire greatly what he has done and find criticism against him more often than not ridiculous. Personally, you can’t build a country this successfully without resorting to authoritarianism. And to go back to that other statesman, Churchill once said “you have enemies? Good. That means you have stood up for something, sometime in your life.” But this is neither the time nor place to get involved in such discussion (as regrettably a few people have done). This is about honouring a man, not a government. And it’s a poor person who can’t separate one from the other. Whatever it is, he gave his life to build a nation in a way no one else could or would have. He did what he thought was best for Singapore, and who can ask for any more?

Perhaps we’ve been expecting it, especially after his wife died, but all the same it doesn’t make things any easier. It seems so…surreal, to know that he’s no longer around. Frail and weak he might have gotten towards the end of his life, but he was still that all-knowing, all-seeing presence, the essence of the country. In a way he was no longer a man but a symbol. And for the reality of mortality to hit something like that is something that can’t really be explained. Singapore won’t fall apart now that he’s gone, but it’ll never be the same. Not really. This year’s National Day – our fiftieth anniversary, as a country – is going to be the first one without him there. It’s an almost unimaginable concept. No more of that familiar white shirt embossed with floral patterns. No more close up of him singing the national anthem of the country he helped to create. It’s so cruel that he couldn’t live to see our fiftieth, it really is. But at the same time I know that it’s pointless wishing he could have stayed. He would have gone some day and it’s time for us to let go.

Everyone will have something to say about him because he touched all of our lives. People will remember and speak of him differently, of course, but we will never forget. We can never afford to forget. I just hope that on National Day they give him the proper tribute he deserves. He may have been known for his coldness, but he is the reason when I think of home I think of Singapore, and my heart fills with an indescribable warmth.